To be a poet one needs the six P’s – the pencil, the paper, the perception, the passion, the persistence and the unshakable persuasion that the poem is in fact possible and attainable. - Grace Perry

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Now is the Winter of our Discontent

Seeing as I haven't posted any of my poetry in a while, I thought I should share something I've been working on. I think the last two stanzas still need a bit of work. I received some great feedback from a friend at the South Coast Writers Centre, Adam Carr, about perhaps dropping the 'is' in both the last stanzas. As Adam said, with so little syllables it seems a waste to have 'is' in there. Fellow Fellowship of Australian Writers', Southern Highlands chapter, Greg Tome, also gave me some wonderful feedback. Greg liked the suprise of 'squeezing size 8 legs' and found 'the can of bull' a cold contrast to 'dark, warm and melty'. Thank you to both Adam and Greg for their encouragement and advise on this poem. I wonder what others think? I am stuck on 'voluptuous bosoms', I think that sounds a bit cliche, but it is the kind of image that I want to finish with, a woman who is older, more confident, and comfortable in her body, to the point that she can again enjoy the foods that she did as a younger child without the guilt that society places on women to look a certain way.

Dessert First

"now 'really' is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by cheesecake and fork" @PresumptuousBug.

Finger sucking cream,
saliva giggles over
mother’s hand.

Freckles stain your lips,
rainbow on your tongue, in your
hands dark, melty, warm.

Squeezing size 8 legs
chocolate cake is turned away,
for a can of bull.

Now cake is ordered
first, for glorious laughter
and voluptuous